After three decades, the frightening truth can finally be told about the conspirators who have used Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer to destroy the American Way of Life. As Dr. Elmo embarks upon his third annual farewell tour, we ask all patriots to drop their teabags and help us expose this evil enterprise. With your support, America will finally realize the truth about that despicable duo—Dr. Elmo and Grandma!

Like all conspiracies, this one is built on a web of lies. Take, for example, the claim that Grandma will turn 30 this holiday season.  Has anyone seen her birth certificate? Even her friends admit that she looks more than a day over 70, an appearance that may have something to do with the sad fact that she’s been run over in more than 10 million copies of Dr. Elmo’s ever-controversial song.

The conspiracy, we now know, started 30 years ago, in that radical hotbed of San Francisco, where radio station KSFO first aired the song. Grandma immediately set off a firestorm of requests—requests to hear the song again and requests to never hear the song again. The Gray Panthers protested that the song was ageist, sexist, and all too true. KSFO in paroxysms of confusion, first played the song, then banned the song, and finally played it again and again. It’s not by chance that KSFO has given up music entirely and is now an all-hot-air, all-the-time station.

Clearly, Dr. Elmo and Grandma could not have continuously weakened the moral fiber of America for 30 long years without help! We’re not saying it’s a capitalist plot, but look no further than un-indicted co-conspirators like YouTube, iTunes, MTV, Billboard, Hallmark, Wal-Mart, Fox News and the Cartoon Network. Explain, if you can, why MTV has been showing the Grandma video every Christmas since 1983?  Or, why Billboard listed the song as its #1 holiday hit the same year?  Why did Hallmark bring out a singing holiday card featuring Grandma? Why did Wal-Mart insist upon exclusive rights to the new commemorative Grandma tins this year? And finally, why does the liberal media, including Fox News and the Cartoon Network, continue to promote Dr. Elmo and his clearly subversive song?  We could go on and on and on about how Dr. Elmo is to blame for just about everything ailing America, but we’ve reached the bottom of the page. So, to put Dr. Elmo on the hot seat or to join the conspiracy... call

CONTACT: Pam (415) 893-9818 or Nancy at 415-897-7797 email:DocElmo@msn.com, www.drelmo.com,

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